Thought for the day: February 8,2010

“Today is not yesterday: we ourselves change; how can our works and thoughts, if they are always to be the fittest, continue always the same? Change indeed is painful; yet ever needful; and if Memory have its force and worth, so also has Hope.”

– Thomas Carlyle

Truly loving our children requires us to set them free and practice nonattachment.
Trust and allow.
Parenting asks us to rise to some of the most difficult challenges this world has to offer, and one of its greatest paradoxes arises around the issue of attachment. On the one hand, successful parenting requires that we love our children, and most of us love in a very attached way. On the other hand, it also requires that we let go of our children at the appropriate times, which means we must practice some level of nonattachment. Many parents find this difficult because we love our children fiercely, more than we will ever love anyone, and this can cause us to overstep our bounds with them as their independence grows. Yet truly loving them requires that we set them free.

Attachment to outcome is perhaps the greatest obstacle on the parenting path, and the one that teaches us the most about the importance of practicing nonattachment. We commonly perceive our children to be extensions of ourselves, imagining that we know what’s best for them, but our children are people in their own right with their own paths to follow in this world. They may be called to move in directions we fear, don’t respect, or don’t understand, yet we must let them go. This letting go happens gradually throughout our lives with our children until we finally honor them as fully grown adults who no longer require our guidance. At this point, it is important that we treat them as peers who may or may not seek our input into their lives. This allows them, and us, to fully realize the greatest gift parents can offer their offspring —independence.

Letting go in any area of life requires a deep trust. Remembering that there is more to us and our children than meets the eye can help us practice nonattachment, even when we feel overwhelmed by concern and the desire to interfere. We are all souls making our way in the world and making our way, ultimately, back to the same source. This can be our mantra as we let our children go in peace and confidence.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com

Thought for the day: January 23,2010

“When we all relate to each other as we would like to receive if our roles are reversed, we move closer to utopia. Every one of us can bring this closer, starting now. This includes how we relate to our own family, our neighbors and how we use our wealth and opportunities to help entire nations that lack our
advantages.”

Ever since human beings could speak to one another, they have been making promises and keeping them or not keeping them. Those who keep their promises are regarded as people of integrity, while those who don’t keep their promises are regarded as people who at best can’t be taken seriously and at worst can’t be trusted. Sometimes we forget how powerful our words are, and we use them haphazardly or unconsciously, creating expectations that are never fulfilled, leaving disappointment and distrust in our wake.

On an even deeper level, there are promises we may have made to ourselves that we don’t remember because they have slipped into our unconscious. An early heartache may have been followed by a promise never to trust love again. Without realizing it, we may be fulfilling that promise and wondering why our love life looks so grim. At an even deeper level, many people who recall past lives become aware that they made a promise lifetimes ago that they are still keeping. For example, a vow of poverty taken in a lifetime as a monk may be holding someone back from fulfilling his earning potential now. Upon realizing that we have made a promise we no longer wish to be beholden to, we can perform a ritual of requesting release from that bond. In doing so, we clear ourselves of outmoded connections and patterns, returning ourselves to a clean slate. Then we can resolve to remember that our word is sacred and to be very conscious of any promises we make to ourselves or to others.

We may ask to be released from any promises made to ourselves or others in our present, past, or future lives, consciously or unconsciously, that are holding us back from fulfilling our greatest good. We may ask that love, light, and healing be sent to any souls who have suffered from our inability to be true to our word, including ourselves. We can ask for the wisdom to do our best and from this point forward to be true to our word, promising only what we truly intend to deliver. The resulting clear conscience and liberated energy will illustrate this truth: We are only as good as our word.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza,
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com

Thought for the day: January 20,2010

“Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.”

It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected. We consciously or unconsciously anticipated one experience, and we grieve for the loss of it when the universe puts something else in our path. Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass. Occasionally, our anger and resentment do not fade and are instead transformed into bitterness. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain. Yet as unwholesome as bitterness can be, it is also a natural element of our emotional palette. When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it.

The nature of bitterness is rooted in the fact that the pain we feel provides us with a rationale. We may feel that we deserve to embrace our bitterness to its full extent. And to be bitter is, in essence, to cut ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt. But just as bitter feelings can be self-defeating, so too can the release of bitterness be life-affirming in a way that few other emotional experiences are. When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter, we are reborn into a world filled with delight and fulfillment unlike any we knew while in the clutches of bitterness. The veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls.

Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too. Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state. In time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza
www.MatialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com

Child Self Defense

Self-protection today is more relevant for children than ever before. Local communities have become increasingly more divided, children are more alienated from the feelings of others and parents are more paranoid about the threat of other adults. Parameters of respect and awareness are less certain between children and adults too. Subsequently these children often gain freedom without first understanding responsibility. This has helped create victims and predators on both the adult and child sides. Some children form gangs and attack adults whereas other children are easily preyed upon by adults who can exploit their naivety. It was by addressing this solution honestly and realistically that helped formulate my children and adult self-defense programs.

“When a bully, a mugger, an abductor or any other predator takes its prey it does it by taking control. Self-coaching promotes a completely proactive approach”. – Mark J. Speranza

Around 80% of Martial Arts students are made up children. And yet fewer schools even attempt to teach a system of realistic self-defense for children than the small number who teach it to adults. Big questions regarding the efficiency of Martial Arts in real-life situations were asked in the Martial Arts world during the early 1990s and today we have a thriving subculture of teachers who specialize in modern combatives for self-defense. And yet children are taught to play games of dodge-ball in their Martial Arts lessons. There is loads of talk about “empowerment” (a word no doubt lifted from the business motivation seminars attended by the briefcase warriors who taught their classes) in the posters, but the only thing anyone seems to be empowered to do is stand in a line and take orders. The whole set up seems to be at odds with effective learning strategies. When you go to a sports club you play the sport and when you learn science, math or history at school you are taught to investigate, in art, craft and English you are encouraged to create, and yet a Martial Arts lesson all too often resembles a religion. You are told what will work and what to do, something that seems to go against the natural instincts of a child thirsty for experience and discovery.

The corporate Martial Arts clubs had one thing right though. Children love games and activities. My thoughts were why not make those activities learning experiences for both the soft (non-physical) skills and the hard (physical) skills, why not make them be a core part of the Martial Arts training. I ceased to be a technique-led Martial Arts coach and I became more interested in setting activities that prompted natural reactions that reinforced principles. Most Martial Arts classes teach a syllabus of techniques based on the experiences of their school’s teachers or, as is often the case, the experiences of long dead masters. True empowerment is about putting the student in charge, giving them the opportunity to quarry the techniques that work best for them, techniques derived from experience under pressure. The coach acts as a guide and further encourages the students to coach each other so they can cultivate and refine these techniques. By taking on the role of a coach a student is forced to examine and understand more in order to improve the performance of the person they are coaching.

These were the methods that I fed back into my adult classes and helped develop various different self-defense and Martial Arts programs. All the time I and my instructors observed lesson by lesson what was working and brought new material in for both the children and the adults to test. The classes became laboratories for true Martial Arts training. Our students weren’t interested in perfecting the experiences of others they were concerned about developing the only style that mattered to them: their own! When a bully, a mugger, an abductor or any other predator takes its prey it does it by taking control. Self-coaching promotes a completely proactive approach. This is the crux of the matter. If you are not in charge and taking the initiative you volunteer yourself as a victim. Children have a lot to teach us about primal human behavior. The joke is that a child is going to learn more about the realities of violence from the regular physical squabbles he will be having with a sibling or a fellow school pupil than the average non-contact or mystically abstract Martial Arts class. We need to learn from our children and students, from each other and become more concerned about developing teaching technologies than trying to emulate those who have gone before us. As the famous Japanese poet Basho once wisely said “Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise men of old. Seek what they sought”.

Mark J. Speranza is the founder of The Academy of Martial Arts in Lindenhurst and Oceanside, New York – based upon a unique blend of traditional Japanese Ju-Jutsu and modern proactive Martial Arts, Academy of Martial Arts has consistently produced champions in life as well as in the Martial Arts.

Martial Art Hidden Benefits……….

Obvious and hidden benefits…

that’s what the long-term study of the martial arts offers you. Like an onion, there are many layers of practice, of understanding, of self-exploration; many layers of benefits that only reveal themselves through consistent and regular practice.

Obviously, training makes your body function better, look better, and feel better. Behind the obvious is the neurological and psychological benefits; your brain works better, your emotional control improves, as does your connection to people with similar motivations and interests.

Obviously, studying the martial arts helps you sharpen the physical tools of personal protection. The person who has practiced 10,000 blocks and 10,000 counter-attacks has an edge in any physical conflict. But less than obvious is the way that the practice protects you from some of the most dangerous enemies in today’s world: lethargy, negative thinking, lack of adequate exercise, apathy, indifference, anger, and stress.

“Throughout my day I am charged. I’m charged with the responsibility of earning income, of service to others, of what I must do tomorrow, and the management of what feels like a thousand responsibilities. When I get on the mat, I feel a release of that ‘charge,’ I get grounded, and the complexity of the world disappears. I’d say my time studying the martial arts is some of the best time I invest in myself.”
–Ed Pullin, age 37, three years of martial arts training

In Dicken’s famous novel, A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge is taken into his future -and as a result he comes back to the present with a compelling need to wake up and change. If you could venture into the future and see the benefits that await you from the study of the martial arts, you would come back today and enroll in the longest program we offer.

Better health, fitness, mental and emotional clarity, and many, many friendships and experiences await you.

Thought for the day: January 14,2010

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”

Sometimes it’s hard to come straight out and tell our friends how much we love and appreciate them. We might feel awkward expressing deep feelings, even to our nearest and dearest, because it is not a common practice. We might get choked up or embarrassed in the process, or we might fear we will embarrass them. Still, we all have those moments when we realize how fortunate we are to have the friends we have, and we may long to express our gratitude. Moreover, it may be of tremendous benefit to our friends to be at the receiving end of our appreciation. At times like these, writing a letter can help us say what we want to say without feeling self-conscious. Additionally, a letter gives your friend the space to really take in your expression of love and the gift of being able to return to it time and again.

As you sit down to write to your friend, take a moment to consider the qualities you most value in your friendship. It might be the fact that you always laugh when you talk or that you feel safe enough to confess your worst problems and always leave feeling better about everything. It might be the new ideas and experiences you’ve been exposed to throughout the course of your friendship. Whatever it is, really take the time to express to your friend their unique impact on your life. You don’t have to use big words or fancy metaphors; all you need to do is write from your heart and your friend will feel the love in the words.

Letters, which used to be somewhat common, are now rare. A handwritten letter makes a wonderful gift to be treasured always. You might simply send it or hand deliver it out of the blue. Whatever you choose, your letter will no doubt be received and treasured with a grateful heart.

All the best,
Mark J. Speranza
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com

Thought for the day: January 11,2010

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Within each of us there is a well of energy that must be regularly replenished. When we act as if this well is bottomless, scheduling a long list of activities that fit like puzzle pieces into every minute of every day, it becomes depleted and we feel exhausted, disconnected, and weak. Refilling this well is a matter of finding time to focus on, nurture, and care for ourselves, or “you time.” Most of us are, at different times throughout the day, a spouse, a friend, a relative, an employee, a parent, or a volunteer, which means that down time, however relaxing in nature, is not necessarily “you time.” Though some people will inevitably look upon “you time” as being selfish, it is actually the polar opposite of selfishness. We can only excel where our outer world affairs are concerned when our own spiritual, physical, and intellectual needs are fulfilled.

Recognizing the importance of “you time” is far easier than finding a place for it in an active, multifaceted lifestyle, however. Even if you find a spot for it in your agenda, you may be dismayed to discover that your thoughts continuously stray into worldly territory. To make the most of “you time,” give yourself enough time on either side of the block of time you plan to spend on yourself to ensure that you do not feel rushed. Consider how you would like to pass the time, forgetting for the moment your obligations and embracing the notion of renewal. You may discover that you are energized by creative pursuits, guided meditation, relaxing activities during which your mind can wander, or modes of expression such as writing.

Even if you have achieved a functioning work-life balance, you may still be neglecting the most important part of that equation: you. “You time” prepares you for the next round of daily life, whether you are poised to immerse yourself in a professional project or chores around the home. It also affords you a unique opportunity to learn about yourself, your needs, and your tolerances in a concrete way. As unimportant as “you time” can sometimes seem, it truly is crucial to your wellbeing because it ensures that you are never left without the energy to give of yourself.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialARtNy.com

Thought for the day: January 7,2010

“Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.”

Sometimes we look at the actions of others and find it difficult to understand what motivates them. But we are all doing the best we can with the information we currently have. We have all been taught how to see the world from the examples of those around us and by our experiences. Keeping this in mind, we can accept the choices made by others while seeking ways to increase the world’s level of consciousness as a whole.

Our different levels of consciousness are like the developmental stages of children, whose understanding varies according to their age and experience. For example, the behavior of a two-year-old who doesn’t want to share can be understood as a phase of his social education, whereas a 16-year-old who behaves in the same manner would be thought to be acting childish. It is important to remember that we are each on our own unique path. We may have chosen certain lessons or made an agreement to play certain roles in the unfolding of the world’s understanding before we incarnated in this lifetime. So our job is not to judge others but to shift the balance of understanding in the world by increasing our own.

Every thought we have and action we take becomes part of the collective energy of the planet. When we use our energy to bring light into the world, it combines with the light brought by others to dispel the darkness. Though we live in a world of duality, which helps us to experience the material plane, we don’t need to experience extremes to understand them. We can share our experiences and understanding with others not from a place of condescension but of connection. When the entire family of humanity understands that each of our thoughts, choices, and actions affect us all, we will share an incredible level of consciousness—one that puts our oneness above all else and helps us evolve into higher expressions of our spiritual selves. Remember the next time you witness an action of another that they are of the same earth as you but simply on a different conscious level at this point in their life. Find compassion, bless them, and move along your day in grace.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com

Thought for the day: January 5,2010

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

In our culture today, we are constantly encouraged to consume. This includes food as well as purchasing ever newer items that we may not need, often using money that we may not actually have. It could be that we are trying to fill a void we feel within ourselves, but if we take the time to examine it, we know deep inside that this is not the solution. We may notice how quickly the joy fades after our purchase or once the food we’ve enjoyed is gone, and how soon we feel the urge to do so again. This is a symptom of disconnection from our true selves, so the first step toward balance is connection to our center.

When we connect to our center, we access the fullness of who we are as an individual spirit. We also connect to the energy source of the universe, from which nothing can be lacking. It could be that we have been energetically starving ourselves but trying to feed the need physically, outwardly. Once we make the decision to reconnect, we have the ability to examine the behavior from a higher place within ourselves. We can look, without judgment, at the thoughts and feelings that occur before and after our indulgences to find a pattern. We may want to keep track of these observations in a journal so that we can go back if we lose our way.

Often boredom is the main cause for the desire to eat or shop. But when we connect to our center, our intuition can more clearly guide us to the places where our energy can best be used. We can replace the boredom with a meditation practice, a class, a project, seeking a new job, or getting involved in a charity. We may even want to begin planning an adventurous trip. Whatever inspires us tells us the direction we should go. When we find the place we are meant to be, we become so consumed by its constant creation that the frivolous filling of an imaginary void becomes a thing of the past.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com

Thought for the day: December 23,2009

“When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things
— not the great occasions–
that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.”

Sometimes we have so many varying responsibilities in our lives, ranging from work obligations to caring for children to running a household, we feel we cannot possibly make it all work. We may feel overwhelmed in the face of it all, ending each day feeling hopelessly behind schedule. However, regardless of how frustrating this can be, these are the parameters that make up our lives, and we owe it to ourselves to find a way to make it work. Rather than buckling under the pressure of an impossible to-do list, we might take a moment to view the larger perspective.

Like the president of a large organization, we must first realize that we cannot do every job ourselves. The first step to sanity is learning how to delegate some of the responsibility to other people, whether by paying someone to clean our house or trading childcare duties with another parent. In addition, we might find places where we can shift our expectations in ways that make our lives easier. For example, expecting ourselves to create a healthy home-cooked meal every night after a full day of work, errands, or caring for an infant or toddler may be a bit excessive. We might allow ourselves to order in food once in a while without any guilt. Accepting the adjustments needed to make our lives work is an essential ingredient to being at peace with our situation.

At the end of the day, we must come to terms with changing what we can and accepting what we cannot change. Sometimes the laundry piles up, a sick child demands more of our attention than usual, and we temporarily get behind with our schedule. Accepting this momentary state of affairs and trusting in our ability to get back on track when the time is right, we gracefully accept our life as it is, letting go of perfectionism and embracing life as it stands.

All the best
Mark J. Speranza
www.MartialArtNy.com
info@MartialArtNy.com